According to this tweet from Me, Myself & Film, Disney is ramping up production on the newest Star Wars films. The first new film should arrive in 2015 with another film to follow every year thereafter. For eternity. As Han Solo would say, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Or better yet, C-3PO: “We’re Doomed.”
Why They Could Be Bad: Disney is often associated with sterilized productions where the true or original meaning is lost to appease kids and parents. A neutered Star Wars would put fanboys in a disgusted tizzy. Wait, that already happened! Ah yes, the Prequels. I tried to forget, but now I remember! So mankind already knows the treachery of reviving this franchise. Could Disney make it work? The production schedule is reminiscent of Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, which was awful after the first one. Seriously, just awful, and not in a funny way.
Why They Could Be Good: Well, if J.J. Abrams is directing…That’s a plus. Unlike the dreaded Prequels, these new films will focus on what happened after the Death Star was blown up…again. Harrison Ford, Carrie Fischer and Mark Hamil are said to all reprise their iconic roles, so some familiarity is involved, as well as a reason to actually care. Face it, no one gives a fuck about Darth Vader as a kid, just fast forward to the part of the story where he becomes the dark lord and starts killing people.
Why It Could Be Awesomely Bad: The Prequels had a few unintentionally funny moments, mainly in the acting department, but true laughs were few. Mostly it was just groan inducing. Star Wars movies are always going to attract an audience, so how hard will Disney try? How will the story progress and how much influence will fan fiction have? For the lovers of awesomely bad cinema, I hope the new movies are based entirely on fan fiction. Luke Skywalker will undoubtedly team-up with Superman to rescue the Enterprise from Godzilla and Skeletor at one point. Oh how glorious that would be. Anyway, if the past is any indication, these new movies will either be good or bad. I’m not holding out much hope on awesomely bad.